How Big Is Your Dating Box?

I was reading this article about Dating Within A Box and started to wonder....how big is my Date Box?


Do you have a Date Box?


I think everyone has a Date Box. A Date Box is just your "checklist" of what you prefer in a mate & what you "think" would make the ideal mate for you.


Is your box small with no room for exceptions? Do you have a "range" of what you like? Is your box huge, and you just want whomever wants you?


I have a medium size Date Box, I think. I have a range of what I like physically, I'm open to all races, however, I prefer brown skin men (that leaves me with a multitude of nationalities to choose from :-D)


There are some qualities/characteristics that I do not want to waiver on, and some that I just rearrange on my priority list, for instance, men with kids. I used to not want to date men with kids. But a lot of men that I meet have kids. I dated a guy with a child. Bad experience but I will not let that deter me from dating men with kids in the future. So although I prefer men with no kids, I will waiver on that if he has the other qualities that I seek in a mate.


I don't put a big emphasis on education. You must have a high school diploma and education must be important to you. But I don't have to have a guy that went to college. There are a lot of very successful people in the world that do not have a college degree. 


As far as money is concerned, it is very important. I intend to be a millionaire so this won't be an issue for me but let's just say that I was comfortable living an "ordinary" life, then it would be important that once I got married, I have the option of being a stay at home mom. Not saying that I would, I just want to have the option.  So my husband would need to be able to provide for his family on his income alone. I refuse to go into a marriage where we are living paycheck to paycheck. As the song says, "I can do bad all by myself,  I don't need no help to starve to death." 


Although money is important I've noticed that I hardly ever date men that have white collar jobs. I like blue collar guys, not that I'm not attracted to the "suits". I love creative type guys and I love a guy that's good with his hands. The guys that I've dated since moving to NYC have all had different types of careers. One had his own construction company, one was a chef for a TV show, one was a designer, one was a music producer...they all had something special about them that kept me interested but apparently it wasn't enough ha!!


Even though I'm pretty open, I have my "strong" preferences...and my "must haves". I won't go into my whole check list but two of my "strong" preferences are: 


#1 tall, meaning 6'0 and up....however, my minimum height preference is 5'8. 


#2 Athletic build...No skinny guys for  me (T.I was the exception. I say was because I'm not feeling him right now because he's stupid)....I'm a slim chick, I like to feel protected so I like guys with muscles..not muscle heads though...you can't be too big. 


Some of my "must haves": 


#1 SEX APPEAL!!  If I don't want to have sex with you we can't date! If I don't even have a desire to kiss you...it ain't happening playboy...sorry!


#2 We have to be on the same spiritual level....if you don't believe in God and Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour....we can only be friends! I need to be able to pray with my husband...this is a deal breaker for me.....absolutely!!!


Now some women have the "either-or" syndrome. They think that finding your ideal mate is an "either-or" type situation. You can find a dude who has the looks and not the personality or who has the personality and not the looks. I was just talking to these girls the other day about this. They felt that what if a guy has all the qualities that you are looking for but you have no physical attraction to him, should you date him anyway?! I don't think so. Why would you settle when he's not settling? You are his ideal woman, yet he's not your ideal man...not good! I believe you can have it all! It's no either-or for me. If I have the looks and the personality then I'm sure I can find a man with the looks and the personality!


Women settle a lot more than men in my opinion...and I've spoken on this before.


I think that you should have your standards, and your "strong" preferences as well as your deal breakers but I also feel that your box shouldn't be so small that you limit yourself so much you make finding a mate very difficult. We all like what we like and that's fine....but be more open. Try to go over your checklist and see what things you are willing to waiver on. Have more of a "range" of things you like and maybe give a person you wouldn't normally date a chance to see how things go. You'll usually know after the 1st or 2nd date whether or not you want to "deal" with that person.


Maybe I should try dating lawyers, bankers and what not....honestly when I hear those job titles I automatically think---BORING--ha!! But maybe I'll meet the one lawyer or finance dude that's a blast to be around and not so stiff...I have a lot of different interests and tastes...I'm attracted to so many different types....it will be very easy to find something that tickles my fancy!


All in All stay true to yourself...don't date a dude just because he's nice...he's suppose to be nice!! Don't date a dude you're not attracted to just because you think he'll treat you right....you can find a dude that you are totally attracted to and compatible with on all levels that will also treat you right.


It may take you longer to find what you are looking for but trust me, you'll be grateful that you waited for the "right one" vs. settling for the "okay one" and being miserable later on down the road.

I Heart Bruce Lee!

So I'm friends with the actor Michael Jai White (on facebook! I'm sure we'll be friends in person once we meet ;-D) and I have to tell you guys....that man turns me on when I watch him fight. I was looking through his pics and there was one when he was younger with his big afro, and on the wall was a poster of Bruce Lee!


Seeing that poster reminded me of how much I love me some Bruce Lee! That dude is one sexy man! I love watching him move! He's tiny but wow, I would've dated Bruce in a heart beat....


His son Brandon was just as cute...I have a crush on him too!


Speaking of asian dudes...I did see one guy that I thought was cute at the speed dating event that I went to on Saturday. When I first saw him the thing that stood out the most was his smile. My friend and I were in a booth, her side was #37 and my side was #38. So I was able to check out the dudes before they sat at my side of the table.


When he sat down beside me I noticed that he had very radiant skin, and was well groomed. So I decided to put a 'yes' by his name. By the end of the night I had decided that was not going to enter any selections on the website. Even though I thought he was cute, I was willing to pass on him because at the end of the event, when everyone was standing around and mingling, he didn't come to chat with me. But then, Monday night I was like, what the hell, so I entered my selections and immediately I got an email that me and the asian dude matched! So we'll see if we go out on a real date....I'll keep you posted!

Speed Dating Marathon-50 First Dates!!!

photo by vaan-nila.deviantart.com

IT'S RAINING MEN!!!!

LOL!

So I went to a speed dating event on Saturday hosted by NYEasyDates! This was called a speed dating marathon! I had 50 2 minute dates!!

YES....I SAID 50!!!


It was interesting...I didn't really meet anyone that I was drooling over...but there were a lot of NY Transplants...people from different countries that have decided to make NY their home for whatever reason. The venue was very nice and very accommodating for this large event, M1-5 Bar. That was my first time there. We were given a free drink (well drinks only) and free appetizers which were absolutely delish!


After the event I did exchange numbers with a guy that I met that actually lives in my neighborhood and is a freelance video editor. So that will definitely be helpful for when I start getting into my career. So maybe that was the sole reason for me attending the event, who knows what knowing this guy can lead to, professionally!


All in all it was a good Saturday night...

Valentine, Smalentine!!!

It's Valentine's Day!!!

Who cares right?!


Ha!! :-D


I don't normally celebrate V-Day....back in high school, and I think some of college, my mom was always my Valentine...as I got older sometimes I would want to have a Valentine and sometimes I just really didn't care. 


The times that I actually had a Valentine was so not good Valentine Days for me!! I probably would have had more fun hanging out with my girls versus hanging out with those dudes! ha!


But whether you love it or hate it.....you can't really get away from it...so....

Happy V-Day Playmates!!

Speed Dating Part 3!

Hey y'all....so I was going to make a video blog but...I just wasn't up to it once I got home from work yesterday!

So I went to a speed dating event hosted by Moca Speed Connections. I was not impressed. There were 15 women and 7 men! WHO DOES THAT?!!! That event should have been canceled! The host said that men registered but they were a no show....I don't know how true that is....I mean I guess there are people out there that pay for things and then don't show up! If you got money to waste....then why not..right?!

Anyway, I won't be going to any more of their events especially if I have to pay for it!

I did meet a cool dude, well he seems cool ha! He goes to a lot cultural type events in Brooklyn so I'll definitely try to keep in touch with him for that reason. I don't hang out in Brooklyn too much so that would be a nice change of scenery for me!

Anyhoo...Most likely I will go to some more events later on in the month!

I will keep you posted!!

Speed Dating Part 2!

Alright my lovelies...oops I did it again! ha!


So I went speed dating again this week, twice actually! I went to an event on Monday which was really fun! It was speed dating but with a Trivia type twist...so there were 7 rounds, 10 questions per round. My team consisted of me and 2 girls, we named ourselves BK Divas (one of the girls live in Brooklyn and my mom grew up in Brooklyn so that's how we came up with the name). My teammates were Karen, from Astoria (found out we live a few blocks from each other; how cool is that?), and Judy from BK.


Each round the male team would go to a new table! I must say I did meet some rather smart gentlemen! It seemed like each round we got a great group of guys that were very knowledgeable in that specific theme for that round. In the end, my team won the grand prize!! I think the guy that was tallying the points accidentally gave us an extra point but sssshhhh don't tell nobody! ha! The grand prize was a $25 gift certificate for food/drinks for the bar (we were at Bar 12 in Manhattan). We were hungry so we decided to stay there and used the certificates for dinner ($75 total with all three certificates). We even invited one of the guys that was in the last round with us to stay...our bill for 4 people (food/drinks) was $77.27, the food was really good too!


The guy was a cool dude...he offered to take me and Karen out to dinner! Judy had already left by this point. Please believe I will be reminding him of this! ha!


So I went to another event Thursday night...it was a regular speed dating format I think I met around 11 guys....2 that I already knew from previous events. We were at Nirvana in Manhattan, really nice spot its a lounge/bar downstairs with a restaurant upstairs. They serve Indian food. The host provided appetizers for us and I must say..it was rather tasty....so I may go back there to try out the food! 


I have yet to meet anyone that I would want to go out with on a real date...but I'm enjoying myself so that's all that matters right now!!


Until Next Time.....
  

I Went Speed Dating Y'all!! :-D

One of my intentions for 2011 is to expand my social circle...meeting new friends (guys & gals) and trying out events for Singles such as Speed Dating and other type of events where you can meet people face to face. I don't want to do the online dating again...majority of the guys that I have dated in New York I met online so I have nothing against it, I just prefer to meet someone face to face so I know up front what I'm getting..physically!

So New York EasyDates hosted a Speed Dating event, the format was Everyone Meets Everyone, which means that they have rounds until every girl and guy have gone on a "date". So....this is how the night went:

We signed in, got a sheet to fill out our name and it had spaces for you to write down the names of the guys that you meet, then we sat at our assigned table. The women are stationary and the men rotate. So that night I had 10 3 minute dates..I think it was 3 minutes or was it 5 minutes? Not sure but anyway....after the minutes are up, they ring the bell and your date moves to the next table. After the event, you log on to the website, put the names of the guys/girls you would like to meet again. If the same person you picked picks you then you will be matched and given each others' email and the rest is up to the two of you!

IT WAS FUN!! I didn't meet anyone I was interested in seeing again but I do plan to do things like that more this year!

I found another site that have Speed Dating events for people of color, www.mocaspeedconnections.com and they are reasonably priced at $20 per event, some places are minimum $35 per event so it's something you may do once or twice a month or more if your bank account permits. :-D

They have an event coming up in Feb. that I may go to for people with (and lovers of) natural hair! 

My horoscope forecasts a very active social life for me this year so I'm looking forward to it!

I'll definitely share my adventures with you!!

Until next time.....                                                                                                                                                                                  

I'm Convinced...Women Standards Are Lower Than Men!

Okay...I've been noticing this issue for a minute now....well I can't really call it an issue...but I've noticed that men standards are a little higher than women when it comes to their mates..and I'm totally speaking on the physical aspect.

Today on the train I noticed two couples...one was married...I couldn't tell if the other couple was married or not but, according to my standards, both men were average looking and the women were very pretty and well put together. One gentleman was even on the heavier side and his mate was slim and trim (not saying that there is anything wrong with heavier set people, I'm just pointing out he didn't have the "athletic" type build).

Its just normal, to me, in majority of the couples I see, the women are much cuter than their mates. Even on tv, you see the same things. The dudes are very average and the wives are very attractive....The King of Queens show comes to mind right off hand. There are some shows were the couple is on an equal attractiveness level...but not normally.

And then you have those guys that say they only date models. Well have you noticed normally those guys are "not so cute" yet they say they only date the "most beautiful" women & nothing less...well they say that because...they have! Women, even though looks are important to most of us, we will lower our standards if the guy's "inside" outweighs his "outside". I don't know how many times I've heard a woman say that when she first met her husband she was not attracted to him physically but...after awhile of his persistance and getting to know him, he became more attractive. But normally with guys....girls have to be a "10" or else they will not even talk to her. Not all men are like that I know...but I'm just saying....in my opinion...women standards are a little lower than men in the looks department. Just read this article from AskMen.com: Dude says he's not that attractive yet he can't bring himself to date an average or below average looking female, he's only attracted to the beautiful ones! ha!! See I'm not making this up...some men, if not most, place high importance on a woman's beauty.

Looks are very important...however, I say for me, sex appeal out ranks looks. If I don't want to sleep with you...we can't date...sorry! The guys I've dated in my lifetime have been on the same "attractiveness" level as me...except for the guys I've dated in New York, I was the cuter one in the couple. Not saying they weren't cute, I'm just saying I was cuter :-D
Anyhoo...the next time you're out walking around the city...or hanging out with your friends...take a look around and see if you see what I see! ha!!

Talk to you later!!!

Men...Smelling Good Is A Turn On!!

So I'm sitting on the train and this guy sits beside me and he smells like....I don't know...either an old coat that's been packed away or just the outside....bottom line....he didn't wear any "smell good" apparently!

I've met a few guys in my time that didn't believe in wearing any "smell good"....and I just didn't like that. I LOVE for my man to smell good....if you smell good then you get extra bonus points.

There's nothing like a well dressed man, with a pretty smile, that smells good enough to eat!!

That's how I met my ex (one of my exes)! I was walking down the street on a November morning, just got out of bed with a serious headache, put my purple scarf on my head, grab my jacket and headed to the drugstore for some meds. I'm not paying attention to anyone right....I hear this guy say something to me trying to get my attention but I keep walking....but then I get a wiff of his scent....and I'm like "mmmmm he smells good." So I stop and actually give him so play...

If he had not smelled so good I would've kept walking! ha!!

So fellas trust me....girls love for their men to smell nice....no matter how attractive or unattractive you may be....if you smell good....you get bonus points! Well at least that's how it works for me!!

If you don't like cologne then there are some great smelling body oils that you could use!!

Nowadays soap and water just ain't cutting it!! Don't want no one hugging up on me smelling like an old coat!



 
Stay Blessed....And Stay Smelling Good..You'll be grateful you did! :-D

Single Ladies....You Need A Roster!!

If you don't know....I'm single. I've been single for awhile well not a long while just maybe a little over a year....but I haven't really been going out of my way to find anyone. I had mentioned to my friend & fellow blogger, Amber, that I needed to go on a "cutie run" (got that phrase from one of her co-workers that was featured on the Salt & Pepper show) because I needed to update my roster.

Why a few days later I'm looking at some videos on YouTube and the chick was talking about dating and she mentioned that single women (and men) should have a roster. I was like, wait a minute I was just talking about that with one of my friends! ha!

So she was basically just saying, which I agree with totally, that single ladies need a roster. A roster is just a number of guys that you date without really being totally focused on just one guy. Its basically dating more like a dude, and not putting all your eggs in one basket until you find that special guy. Being single for someone women is just torture because they don't allow themselves to enjoy "singlehood". Singlehood is great because you get to meet a lot of different people, whether you want to be in a relationship or not is not important, you get to do a lot of interesting things with cool people and perhaps learn a thing or two about yourself and/or something from that person.

The roster is basically a way to get through your single life much easier. Its a way to remain social and take your mind off of "being single and looking". The men on your roster are  not necessarily the guys you want to marry, be in a long term relationship with or your ideal guy...they are men that you are getting to know, spending time with, and building friendships with. 

Now men should pursue women bottom line, but that doesn't mean that women shouldn't initiate contact. You have to let the man know that you are interested so that he has the Green Light to pursue!

Now dating with a roster is fun, it's a learning experience, its a way to find out exactly what you are looking for in a mate, and its a way to keep yourself and your mind preoccupied til your TRUE MATE comes along. Your true mate just might be on your roster! There are rules to this roster though...no intimacy at all! That way everyone is on an even playing field and you keep yourself safe from hurt and disappointment. If your true mate comes along and proves to you that he is worthy of being call your man (ladies you have to know your worth) then you can move things to the next level with him.

Watch this video from anaturalbeauty3 and she will explain to you in more detail about the roster!

Happy Dating Ladies!!!