Friday, March 11, 2011

How Big Is Your Dating Box?

I was reading this article about Dating Within A Box and started to big is my Date Box?

Do you have a Date Box?

I think everyone has a Date Box. A Date Box is just your "checklist" of what you prefer in a mate & what you "think" would make the ideal mate for you.

Is your box small with no room for exceptions? Do you have a "range" of what you like? Is your box huge, and you just want whomever wants you?

I have a medium size Date Box, I think. I have a range of what I like physically, I'm open to all races, however, I prefer brown skin men (that leaves me with a multitude of nationalities to choose from :-D)

There are some qualities/characteristics that I do not want to waiver on, and some that I just rearrange on my priority list, for instance, men with kids. I used to not want to date men with kids. But a lot of men that I meet have kids. I dated a guy with a child. Bad experience but I will not let that deter me from dating men with kids in the future. So although I prefer men with no kids, I will waiver on that if he has the other qualities that I seek in a mate.

I don't put a big emphasis on education. You must have a high school diploma and education must be important to you. But I don't have to have a guy that went to college. There are a lot of very successful people in the world that do not have a college degree. 

As far as money is concerned, it is very important. I intend to be a millionaire so this won't be an issue for me but let's just say that I was comfortable living an "ordinary" life, then it would be important that once I got married, I have the option of being a stay at home mom. Not saying that I would, I just want to have the option.  So my husband would need to be able to provide for his family on his income alone. I refuse to go into a marriage where we are living paycheck to paycheck. As the song says, "I can do bad all by myself,  I don't need no help to starve to death." 

Although money is important I've noticed that I hardly ever date men that have white collar jobs. I like blue collar guys, not that I'm not attracted to the "suits". I love creative type guys and I love a guy that's good with his hands. The guys that I've dated since moving to NYC have all had different types of careers. One had his own construction company, one was a chef for a TV show, one was a designer, one was a music producer...they all had something special about them that kept me interested but apparently it wasn't enough ha!!

Even though I'm pretty open, I have my "strong" preferences...and my "must haves". I won't go into my whole check list but two of my "strong" preferences are: 

#1 tall, meaning 6'0 and up....however, my minimum height preference is 5'8. 

#2 Athletic build...No skinny guys for  me (T.I was the exception. I say was because I'm not feeling him right now because he's stupid)....I'm a slim chick, I like to feel protected so I like guys with muscles..not muscle heads can't be too big. 

Some of my "must haves": 

#1 SEX APPEAL!!  If I don't want to have sex with you we can't date! If I don't even have a desire to kiss ain't happening playboy...sorry!

#2 We have to be on the same spiritual level....if you don't believe in God and Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour....we can only be friends! I need to be able to pray with my husband...this is a deal breaker for me.....absolutely!!!

Now some women have the "either-or" syndrome. They think that finding your ideal mate is an "either-or" type situation. You can find a dude who has the looks and not the personality or who has the personality and not the looks. I was just talking to these girls the other day about this. They felt that what if a guy has all the qualities that you are looking for but you have no physical attraction to him, should you date him anyway?! I don't think so. Why would you settle when he's not settling? You are his ideal woman, yet he's not your ideal man...not good! I believe you can have it all! It's no either-or for me. If I have the looks and the personality then I'm sure I can find a man with the looks and the personality!

Women settle a lot more than men in my opinion...and I've spoken on this before.

I think that you should have your standards, and your "strong" preferences as well as your deal breakers but I also feel that your box shouldn't be so small that you limit yourself so much you make finding a mate very difficult. We all like what we like and that's fine....but be more open. Try to go over your checklist and see what things you are willing to waiver on. Have more of a "range" of things you like and maybe give a person you wouldn't normally date a chance to see how things go. You'll usually know after the 1st or 2nd date whether or not you want to "deal" with that person.

Maybe I should try dating lawyers, bankers and what not....honestly when I hear those job titles I automatically think---BORING--ha!! But maybe I'll meet the one lawyer or finance dude that's a blast to be around and not so stiff...I have a lot of different interests and tastes...I'm attracted to so many different will be very easy to find something that tickles my fancy!

All in All stay true to yourself...don't date a dude just because he's nice...he's suppose to be nice!! Don't date a dude you're not attracted to just because you think he'll treat you can find a dude that you are totally attracted to and compatible with on all levels that will also treat you right.

It may take you longer to find what you are looking for but trust me, you'll be grateful that you waited for the "right one" vs. settling for the "okay one" and being miserable later on down the road.


  1. Really honest post.. I loved it. My dating box is assigned to one women for the last 24 years and I am very happy with that lol. Before that I was pretty open.. They did have to be in good shape not movie start shape but physically fit. But slim of with a little meat on the bones was not a strong issue. Color didn't matter at least to me but I am old enough to have received that talk from my dad.." You know I do not care but what about your kids".. I did need to know there was someone home no matter how great the paint job was!!! Conversation is important and humor was also.
    That was it.

    Thanks for letting me remember :)

  2. I'm looking forward to the day when my dating box will be assign to one person ha!! Until then...:-D

  3. My box for "the one" was small and specific, but I dated everyone and had fun until the right guy came along. What cracks me up is that years ago I took the time to write down everything I wanted in a partner. I got really specific. I taped it onto my mirror and looked at it every day. A few years later, I met him. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me :)

  4. Well said Yolanda! I must have had God looking over my shoulder when I found my husband because I was 17 when we met and absolutely clueless! But almost 41 years later we are still together and happy, a good match...not perfect but with love and respect and laughter holding us together. Good luck on your quest!

  5. @kim I wrote out my wishlist for my "ideal" guy when I was a teenager...I think I need to update that list...and repriortize some things :-D

    @cath Thanks hun!! I'm patiently waiting I'm not in a hurry to make the wrong decision when the time is right...he'll make himself known :-D

  6. I don't have a list of must haves. I think I work mostly with chemistry. Because I could technically meet the man of my dreams, but it would be pointless if nothing was there between least to me. Money never matter but values do, like ambition and family values. With things like that, money falls into place. Because a man who is ambitions wants to make a living doing what he loves and if he shares the same family values, he'll want to be a provider. So I'm pretty open. I tossed away my list long ago and just decided to work on myself and attract that good man to me.

    I'm sure you'll meet that guy. Patience. =]